- - Week 1 Feb 18th Complete Mapping the territory, print large scale mindmap to work in to, use to outline concepts, generate ideas and moving forward. Produce outline plan first draft, produce some experiments regarding initial thoughts from current practice.
This week has been productive. I created, filled and bound 8 books. I then went on to dip some of the books in white paint mixtures. I built my initial time outlines for both the contextual study and the exploratory project (although I would like to break these down further). I also continued to add to my Contextual Map which I had printed out large scale and at the end of the week attended a peer critique session (the last one, the course has now finished, Yay!) which felt extremely brutal; more on that later. Overall though there has been a lot of reflection, mainly through discussion with peers and some realisations to take forward through the next few assignments.

To start the week I conducted a brief audit of work up until now; looking back over the Form Fracture Frame task my book explorations stood out to me. Being in a personally anxious time at the moment, the security the books provided was calling out, so I proceeded to channel my nervous energies in to book creation. I loved it. I didn’t overthink content, working with pre-existing fractures from my sketchbook and archive piles.

[vimeo 257514583 w=640 h=360]

Katie Venner-Woodbridge, hand bound books from Katie Venner-Woodbridge on Vimeo. https://player.vimeo.com/video/257514583

[vimeo 257514551 w=640 h=360]

Katie Venner-Woodbridge, 50 page Vellum book from Katie Venner-Woodbridge on Vimeo. https://player.vimeo.com/video/257514551

I believed initially I came up with the concept of dipping the books into white paint to discuss the ‘whitewashing’ of history, of my family and myself. The fact that we don’t get a say in our histories, only in our futures but that realistically they are also somewhat constricted by our geographies and biographies. However, reevaluating the process, and slowing down my thinking, this has more to do with the inaccessibility of my own thoughts and feelings, how I restrict sharing personal aspects and struggle with articulation, which can make my work inaccessible to others. An internal binding. I self-censor…and massively self-censor my artwork. The colour white is somewhat irrelevant other than I did not want a symbolic association, but in a cultural context, most colours do have some associations, so it is difficult to avoid this.

Some of the books were partially dipped so with pages can still be slightly seen in the gaps, others were utterly submerged rendering the pages and work inside eligible.

In the critique the self-censorship issue became glaringly obvious. I asked them to ‘cold read’ the work and feedback with their initial thoughts before I explained the context. I asked this to see if it could be read without text. My peers expressed frustration and annoyance about not being able to access my work, not understanding or seeing the point. There was no read for them without my context, which I was refusing to give. I was somewhat pleased that they were frustrated as this is a feeling I embed in my work, but I don’t feel they were frustrated for the right reasons. When I gave my highly edited context regarding everyday life, routines and chaos they couldn’t see it. Something was missing and they began to write me off. I was dying inside, it hit me then that this was a ‘do or die’ moment and I blurted out my real inspiration, my reasons for moving through the work. I instantly regretted it and my emotions began to take over, trying to hold it together I listened to the feedback and realized it changed. They softened slightly and said it made more sense. The advice offered was to make more use of it (my obsessive nature, anxiety and compulsion), to time stamp and create work to a routine. Log work and mass create. They offered artist suggestions and support and agreed to confidentiality, as I was afraid of judgment and being held back. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done, I am not sure if it was the right thing to do and I still feel sore and manipulated in to handing over that info. BUT I do see the positivity in their feedback. It makes sense; it brings in the links I miss in my fast thinking.

So a couple of days later and I have discussed the feedback with outside parties, I have gone over the really negative points and looked at what they could have reflected about the audience rather than taking everything entirely personally. Moving forward I’m thinking about risks for the project ahead….

Here's some honesty…I don't believe I can draw very well. I have always wanted to be a fabulous drawer, I have friends who can render a realistic portrait in biro in minutes, but I have to work at it... really work at it, and it frustrates me. I hate feeling frustrated, so I tend to quit and move on to something instantly gratifying. I know that’s why my work has moved into abstraction, its less risky and I feel less vulnerable. It's also quick and fulfils the need and desire for meditation and release.

Thinking about this project and one of the risks that keep coming up is this aspect of drawing. It feels like a huge risk to move into drawing for this project, and it didn't make much sense until yesterday after the critique. I was thinking about a comment regarding embracing this everyday aspect, building routine into my work so it is visible and it connected me to a piece I did at college. We were asked to paint a large (150cm x 200cm) image of a ladder we had been using for activities; I was using a small 3 step set, as I don't like heights. Everyone painted these large-scale, elaborate images, abstracted and full of colour; I painted the whole paper black and drew my ladder slightly smaller than it actually was and reasonably realistically. I got very mixed reviews, and they were disappointed by my lack of 'flare'. At the time I was deep in depression and finding it hard to deal with the outlandish activities the course demanded, and I actually left and joined a smaller class at a different college. I regret that decision, most of the activities I participated in during those few weeks have stayed with me, and I return to them for inspiration, but c'est la vie.

My point is, I found some catharsis at the time in painting those steps as mundane as they appeared. Thinking about building routine into my work I looked around my room and realised that I have a tendency to purchase simple objects that fulfil a need, I keep life simple and mundane, flare is left to artwork, singing and dancing, my objects and possessions are basic. What if my risk is to draw these objects, use them for my repetition and pattern beginnings? Key points from critique:

Too many ideas in one project
Keep it simple and dive in further
Really push the boundaries of routine and repetition by assigning times or routine to work etc. Make it obsessive, mountains of work.
Avoid bringing in subjects of race and history - allow others to add that if they wish.
Look at maps and the routine travels
Find artists that have obsessively mapped/logged work
Think Sharif and Kusama