Day 1 Sunday
Schools closed,
partner is at work,
child is home and I'm stuck
my work is inflexible,
the pressure is mounting so I resort to improvisations.
Pack a picnic, an armful of DVD's, iPad, chargers, laptop, water.
The car becomes a makeshift quarantine play area,
she's happy as she's with mum,
work will be happy as I/m
onsite and working on the server
the problem is,
they are not happy,
in fact, they think this is totally unacceptable.
I have to make arrangements I can't afford
or take unpaid leave
which I can't afford
why is my family being held accountable when I'm trying to do my job
when did reproduction become such an inconvenience to the masses
have they not considered that when they are elderly and need a specialist to save their life it might be my daughter?
When they need someone to turn on their water heater, fix their car, carry the shopping, our children may be the ones that will help?
I'm sorry that my breeding is such an inconvenience to you, I hope you are not seen as an inconvenience to today's young when you are old and need help.
Day 2 Monday
Let's make
we fold paper and chat about things we like,
coveting the pretty tapes strewn across the table
the time flows with giggles and sticky stuff
ideas are passed,
lunch is eaten
time is taken
lessons and concentration are enforced followed by play in the yard
bikes and chalk
Day 3 Tuesday
Tutorial
A productive day
paperwork is completed on time
dinner is cooked
children are occupied
Day 4 Wednesday
We make Notans
positive and negative space
expanding squares in times of restriction
play continues and time is gained in occupation
Day 5 Thursday
We make collages
the wind blows and giggles reverberate
paper and glue are a match made in quarantine
my offspring flourishes
the lack of creative restriction allows her to blend and position as she see fit,
a beautiful moment of creativity
trips to the supermarket for food
work is done in another's office
singing to kids songs
Birthday drinks and BBQs
almost cancelled due to contamination fears
friends making me laugh
meowing through the night
Day 6 Friday
Tears
feeling sick
advantages are taken
that's not appropriate
I'm not an object
you can't have me
Pool sitting
splashing and relaxing
time with family
pretend like nothing happened
Day 7 Saturday
Quiet time
working together
watching movies
running and eating
sleeping throughout the day
naps are needed by all it seems
Day 8 Sunday
no art today
we organise and make a plan
finding mixes for cakes
making objects from paper
playing and working in the house
Day 9 Monday
a birthday
cake
finding space in another person's place
getting work done
finding quiet before
a full house
swimming
pizza
fire and wine
Day 10 Tuesday
self-imposed lockdown 1
things have changed
anxieties have risen
overnight the tone has changed
we close the doors to playdates and cups of tea
we shut out the world and feel a little worried
meal plans are made
stocks are counted
arguments happen
tensions rise
I run
Day 11 Wednesday
self-imposed lockdown 2
a day of tension with the loved ones
no space
no listening
no let up
Driving too fast to get away
cycle place is closed
driving to a quiet space to cry
to feel sorry for myself
returning home to hostility
tensions maintained
distracted by
phone games with friends
Day 12 Thursday
self-imposed lockdown 3
more tension
a dead crow
fear-mongering
I'm losing my shit
I can't get a moments peace
I can't get any work done,
It's taken 6 hours two write this one piece.
I'm making planes, food, toys, more snacks, answering questions, getting drinks
Not doing any of the shit I actually need to do.
A walk is needed,
A walk works
with voice notes from friends
and songs to sing
and fresh air
for a moment's clarity
that I don't like being kept in.
The evening of games
via social media
friends keeping each other occupied
Day 13 Friday
waking in a better mood,
messages from friends spread globally
finding solace that for once this anxiety is shared
planning calls and making breakfast
teaching life skills and listening to music
folding more planes
making more plans
today we dance and sing
we take time apart in small corners of our tiny dwelling
The diary fell away, I had a meltdown, I got over it and then proceeded to melt down again.
I don't like restrictions, not many do, but some definitely cope better than others. There is talk of a new normal I feel that hides resentment, its another mask to cover the angst from the unknown.
I work, juggle, childcare, study, work repeat. Lather, wash, rinse, repeat. Women's labour comes under scrutiny, both for good and for worse, suddenly it appears we're over worked, suddenly we're more over worked. Default parent, default fixer, support worker, feeder, cleaner. suddenly the gendered roles come in to view, 'suddenly' as they were not there before, or perhaps they were just over looked with so many distractions.