09.02.2020 - Video

I video the process, documenting movements, I consider how this will be viewed in gallery or online setting. What does it mean to be watched? How does it feel to be an artist, watching the audience consuming your work?

Watching
Wet fingertips
Swirling around
Moving the surface

You’re watching
This space is private
It’s not for others
It’s my space

You’re watching 
I can see you
process dictates
I continue

Watching
I carry on
Swirling
Repetitive movements

You’re watching
I’m now watching you
Watching me
Anticipation from the moment 

Has moved 
To this moment
The anticipation of your reaction
As you anticipate what you are watching.
                                                               *video art*

07.02.2020 - poetry workshop - Eleanor Hooker

Orphans of Silence: Poetry workshop with Eleanor Hooker

exquisite corpse excercise:

Two lines to choose from, the group had to agree:
1. Outside, the same darkening snowflake
2.A clock that has lost its hands

The group chose number 2, I liked number 1. We each wrote the line at the top of our page, then followed with a response and began to shuffle the paper on to the next person, this continued until we had 11 poems with 11 lines provided by each of the participants.

A clock that has lost its hands
can not scratch itself
from times of despair
only breaking open
fathomless
hanging, suspenseful on the blank hole of memories
and dreams. It dreams itself in another space
shapes its new horizons
where sons and daughters rise and leave
leaving spaces and no shadows to miss
paving ways for new life
breaking promises like twigs
sticky fingers

lines i remember and want to save:
tongue searching for substance lost
echoey hollow silence like empty boxes in storage

Lessons learned: Abstract nouns weaken a poem, use concrete nouns as it creates an image of a physical thing, allowing for specific metaphors giving the reader something to hold on to and 'see' as they read.

I submitted work that was from the writing workshop with Les in MA2, it was a piece that I felt comfortable with as I have shared it with classmates and wanted to get some outsider feedback:

you tarnish me,
my fingers are dirty, 
you dirty me
I'm dirty
you're soft in a hard form
you make marks, 
but not alone
you need me to make marks, 
you mark me
I need you to make marks 
I inhale you, 
I don't want to but you are there, 
In my breath, 
uninvited, 
tiny invasions
violations,
creeping into my orifices, 
under my nails, 
in the cracks of my skin,
on my skin
I need you, 
I use you, 
you use me to spread yourself, 
I spread you, 
you disseminate across the surface, 
across me,
on to my skin. 
Its dark, 
you're dark, 
you make me dark, 
I use you lightly but you are still darker than the light, 
I make you darker, 
not darker than yourself, 
You touch me, 
I touch you, 
we come together,
we collide, 
I make a collision using you.
I use you
There is sound, 
you are silent but your movement makes sound, 
I move you to make sound,
you and I generate sound, 
we generate,
generate sound, 
marks, 
dust, 
traces, 
little traces of touch. 
I no longer have you but you're still with me. 
I see you.
I feel you. 
you make me dirty. 
I wash.                                                           *compressed Charcoal*

It was read by Danabelle Gutierrez, a poet based in Dubai, she has a couple of books published and I have seen her perform her work so it felt like a massive privilege for her to read it. She did so beautifully. It was strange to be removed from the work in that manner but I was pleased that it was read in the tone and pace I had intended, which in itself is good feedback.

The work was likened to Richard Siken https://bodyliterature.com/2014/04/28/richard-siken/
I take any form of comparison as a complement, to evoke a memory of some thing you have read and enjoyed is a good thing I feel, in the manner that paintings are compared and added to taxonomies of style and subject.

Eleanor Hooker gave the wonderful feedback that the poem sounds like 'Jupiter', referencing the recording by nasa of the sounds of Jupiter picked up by satellites. She also explained that there is more room for 'show don't tell' providing some description is not a bad thing and can give purchase to the reader, and that I should not be afraid of the movement thats coming through in the poem.

It was then that I realised I am doing myself a disservice by keeping all this work hidden and sharing so discriminatorily. I need feedback to grow and improve; not all I will receive will be useful, not everyone with connect with it, just like the visual work and thats okay. But the two are inherently linked and need to share the same space to allow the dialogue to happen.

06.02.2020 - cellulose

As I undo, your essence fills the air,
You spread yourself all over me
I can feel you subtly touching my skin
Fibrous, tiny hairs adhering.
I dive my hand in a grab you
A hand full
Too much for my small fingers
awkward, rugged.
Firmly I grip and bring you up
You’re dry so I moisten you
Making you sticky in my grasp
Exploring you with my fingertips
I spread you on the glossy surface
You submit with a little resistance
Your moisture trickles out as I apply pressure
Smoothing you with fabric
Soaking up your damp puddles as I push
Taming you to my will
I’m satisfied you’re done
I leave you to rest in the sun.
                                                          *cellulose*

05.02.2020 - Thoughts on sound works - exhibition proposal

I went to a warehouse to collect materials and equipment. Instead of being a lofty echoey space it was extremely sound deadened by its contents.

The warehouse got me thinking about the sound aspect. What are the sounds of anticipation and expectation? I’ve been coming at it from the wrong angle.

I was thinking about surprise, silence followed by a sudden loud noise of some sort. But that’s too obvious.

Anticipation sounds like a door clicking, or footsteps, a kettle boiling.
Things that have an expected outcome. What happens if that outcome doesn’t emerge?

So then, what does sensuality sound like when it’s not based on sexuality?
How does something sensual sound, like grain in a sack perhaps? The wax in the bag as it was being broken up. Lentils in a pot being stirred.

05.02.2020 - Questions for practice

What does it mean to be sensual in a society that restricts? denies it?

What does anticipation sound like? What are the sounds of anticipation? How does expectations sound? What is an expectant sound?

Is sensuality layered? What are the layers? What do they look like? What are they asking or telling? How do they communicate with each other? Do they? Do they need too? holding in, holding back, holding on, holding.

What do caverns, caves holes and density have to do with sensuality and materiality? Why are they important?

What is darkness and sensuality? Is it quiet or loud? Are the layers building sounds? How do they sound? How do they feel?

What are the feelings of the layers? How do I feel in the layers? Does it matter?

How do I feel when making? Content? Focussed, Excited? Scared? Aroused? What does it mean to be aroused? Aroused by process, by material? Is arousal always sexual? Or is it sensual? Arousing the senses? piqued interest? How is society aroused?

What arouses a collective? how do you get a sensual collective? movement? a movement or movements? dance? contact, contracts. sensuality contracts.

03.02.2020 - Writing workshop with Lara Eggleton

These are notes from the workshop, designed to jog my memories for the contextual study:

Anticipation - the process of anticipation
The sensuality of materials - touch - 
Writing - poems
Conflict of academic writing and personal writing practice
Finding a balance between the two

Step 1
Break down what you are doing into 3 questions:
1. What is it?
2. What is it about?
3. Why is it relevant?

What is it? What does it look like? What is the experience of it? What scale am I working? Medium, scale, colour, descriptive terms.
Monochrome, medium scale - handheld, gauzy, transparencies, permeable, cloudy, painting, movement of material, the experience of material, layers of paint - graphite - lines, opaque, transparent, translucent, puddles that are added and removed, 

Words that build excitement, desire, anticipation, visceral feelings of making, interacting with materials. 

What is it about?
time, movement, weight, presence, the excitement of producing, the expectation of a result, questioning control, the anticipation of, the sensuality of material, interaction, letting go, anxiety, resistance, accumulation, overwhelm, growth, fragility, fragmentation, unexpected, unaccounted for, overthinking, preparation for unfathomable outcomes, 

Why is it significant/relevant?
evoking excitement - sensuality, - closed off by health and safety, social etiquette, rules, expectation - encouraged to find ourselves but asked to restrain and restrict, to edit, - the desire to feel, question who decided what is appropriate - challenging social norms.

Step 2
Write a sentence for each of the categories - keywords and phrases:

What is it? - mediums of graphite, plaster, paint, soap, gathered in tiles, in books, on canvas and paper in gauzy layers of lines and puddles.

What is it about? - the sensuality of material interaction questioning control, the anticipation of the event and expectation of result 

Why is it significant? -  increasingly we are encouraged to restrict and control our output while embodying desires and the self - constantly questioning anticipation of living and expectation - take ownership of sensuality while restricting and controlling output and engagement. 

Feedback: 

What is it about? -  this area needs work - enticing, intriguing - within your practice - doesn’t communicate, describe the language to be teased out - what are the ideas and meaning? Weave a narrative around it.

Is it significant? - Great way to pique peoples interest - its a universal, political and personal. Simplicity, enticing, intriguing. 
Politically - own one’s sensuality - what does it mean to own ones sensuality, is it universal (human),( non-binary). 

Essay structure - sandwich
3 columns - where you list your ideas, sources, examples of work and narrow them down. 
Intro + conclusion is the bread, the filling is how you answer your question.
A tendency to meander - waffle  - forget what you are trying to say
Mindmaps are a good thing - get your question to ground practice contextually - then research

My practice look at ideas in contemporary art as ‘what is the thing/ question/ idea you really want to explore in this piece of writing? 

Once you know that you can then go about answering it

Why is it significant?

How much would you talk about your won work and/or others - context of production of art, connection with own work and articulation of its connection to ‘world’, the relevant context of ideas rooted in physical production.

Keep the connection - be aware of only talking about your work and draw the links to theory and a theme, a theorist, another artist. 

Don’t be afraid to cut it down - save then in another document.

Conclusion
Summarise - give closure, draw it together, what you have ‘learnt’ from the process of the essay.

Edit well, edit for language and eloquence - edit of content, edit for flow - ideas - is it logical, am I signaling that I’m moving to the next section - am I reminding the reader of the ‘why you’re doing it/what your question is?’ 

Get someone to read it.

monograph?

My revisit the day after the workshop:

What is it? - what does it look like? What is the experience of it? What scale am I working in? Medium, scale, colour, descriptive terms

What is it about? What are the ideas and meanings? Weave a narrative around it. 

Why should I care? Why is it significant? Why is it relevant? Political, personal, universal

About - consuming, silence in the process, the noise of sexuality

Haptic - needing to or based on the sense of touch, characterised by a predilection to the sense of touch - a haptic person. Haptic poetry - touching and being touched.

Relevancy - political - #metoo, femininity, toxic masculinity, reclaiming, sexuality, pansexual, neo-genders

04.02.2020 - Gertrude Stein

Your words seem nonsensical but touch something deep inside, 
they resonate. 

That moment when you meet someone and you talk for hours and time passes without a blink. 

Leaves you longing for more. 
For the next moment to talk and share and be. 
For the next sentence to hang from, the next word to be uttered. 

The connection of sparks gathering as the electricity surges. 

The moment that you meet someone and you want them to stay forever and you want that forever to be now, for this moment to be never-ending, lasting a lifetime. 

When you search for them, at every opportunity, the connection, like magnets; the graphite standing on edge as the field comes into sight. 
The moment the attraction of mind is greater and the arousal is piqued. 

When the rhythm of your heart is the pace of their words and the tingle in your fingers is the breath from their mouth and the look in your eyes is the glistening of their skin. 
                                            *It started with Gertrude Stein*